© Sauce*Box, Summer 1996.
All rights revert to author.
Neurotica
A Play by Stuart
M. Roseman
Scene 1
Believing Your Own Bullshit
Dark Stage - Music: Chorus of "Come Together"
Pin Spot comes up on SCOTT, downstage center:
SCOTT: (to audience) The real danger is when you start believing your own bullshit. You get locked into promises you can,t possibly keep. And you have to remember which set of lies you told to which person when you get called on them later. Proper bullshit technique is absolutely necessary when trying to make friends and influence women. The entire courtship process is the act of taking your rather ordinary, pedestrian life and convincing someone that it,s really a thrill-a-minute adventure, full of excitement and fun, a non-stop party where the fun never ends, and that any woman would kill to be a part of it. You have to be able to convince someone, with a straight face, that you,re really having a good time at that Friday night coffee-shop poetry reading, and that you really wouldn,t rather be home eating pizza and watching the Rangers game. But, hey, there,s a lot of enjoyment to be derived from listening to some guy that looks like an anorexic bicycle messenger bitching in verse about how he would prefer either to be aboard the Mother Ship to Pluto or dead.
(steps back into scene, turning and sitting next to CATHERINE. POET is facing audience)
POET: (reciting) Oh, Mother Ship, Mother Ship, take me from this poor, poor, reality and fly me away on your silvery wings, fly me away to a place I can be free
SCOTT: (to CATHERINE) This guy really has his finger on the pulse of artHis work really speaks to me.
CATHERINE: Oh, wowthat,s so intense. I mean, he,s so deep, and he really understands what it is to be a disassociated young human in our society. I don,t think we,re ever going to be able to heal the psychic damage that the world has. I just couldn,t be with someone who wasn,t moved by this
SCOTT: (aside) Oy Vey! (back into scene) Well, I really do think a lot about the human condition. I want to devote my life to helping the pain and suffering of our times. I want to be a player, not just a bystander, in the game of life. I want to be there to ease man,s inhumanity to man. So. What did you say you did for a living?
CATHERINE: I,m a performance artist. My current piece involves pouring milk all over myself while speaking to the plight of women everywhere, and how all women are victimized by men. Men are inherently selfish, brutal and unfeeling, and my performance is meant to bring that to light The milk represents the milk of motherhood, and how the bonds of motherhood are bonds that chain women to a subservient role, and we will never be free until those bonds are broken.
SCOTT: So I guess you,re not planning to have any kids?
CATHERINE: Oh, no, I definitely want children. I just don,t want a husband. I want to be artificially inseminated, and raise my child in a caring, nurturing, fully supportive environment. An environment that will teach a little boy to respect women, or a little girl to flourish knowing that she is the real power of the world.
SCOTT: I see.
CATHERINE: I can,t ever seeing myself spending any time with a man who doesn,t respect that women have fought incredible battles to validate themselves as human beings, and be supportive of that
(scattered applause)
POET: Thank you. Your sharing of my pain makes it easier for me.
SCOTT: I certainly respect the accomplishments of women, but don,t you think it,s a bit unreasonable to claim that all men are evil and insensitive? I mean, that is a pretty unfair generalization.
CATHERINE: You,re a man. How could you possibly understand what people like you have put women through? The only things men are good for are sperm and victimizing women.
SCOTT: (starting to get upset) Look, I apologize for having a penis. Can we please just finish our coffee?
CATHERINE: (pedantic) If you don,t let your defenses down and accept some responsibility for your faults, how can you ever expect to have a truly equal, mutually satisfying relationship?? Proper respect for women is the basis of any successful relationship. When you learn to put aside your macho crap and accept that your partner is at least your equal in every way, you,ll be a lot happier.
SCOTT: (obviously annoyed, starts to get up) You know, you,re right. Maybe I should..(hesitates) I don,t know.
CATHERINE: Well, I do know. You should learn to listen to me. You'll be much better off. If men would just learn to listen to the women in their lives, the world would be a much more caring and nurturing place. (checking her watch) I have an early rehearsal tomorrow morning. We should probably get going. Why don,t you call me tomorrow afternoon? I know a really terrific performance that a friend of mine is doing tomorrow night. She,s really in tune with the way the world works. I think seeing it could be good for you.
SCOTT: Uh, yeah, sure..OK
CATHERINE: Scott, I had a really nice time with you tonight. I think you have a lot of potential.
SCOTT: Yeah, I had fun too.
(ex. CATHERINE, SLSCOTT sighs and hangs head)
SCOTT: God, I,m so full of shit.
Blackout
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